Year end Function

So I had my year end function this weekend and it was great fun.  We went to Greensleeves and we had to dress up like in the Midevil times.  Naturally I wanted to be a princess, but there was no bloody princess dresses.  So i settled for a plain Jane dress and looked more like a servent than a princess.  I struggeled a bit to keep the drunk people at bay but all and all the evening was a great success.  The kids were at their ouma so we could sleep nice a late for a change!

We then had the family over for a braai and YES I did do all my homely housewivey chores!!  I had a little headache and hang over from the previous night but I dont recall drinking enough for me to feel like that!

Here are some pictures from the evening:

My children at this stage Logan 3 and half and Bismarck 7 and half months

Logan

Bismarck

Bismarck as he got bigger

Foto's of Logan as he got bigger

The birth of my 2nd son Bismarck

Well after all this drama with Logan's illness, J and I became very close and our relationship became more serious.  So naturally when my friend (living next door to Alice) asked me to please move cause they needed the flat for something else, I decided to move closer to J because of traveling reasons.  His petrol account was HUGE (LOL) and his work had a little hissy fit!  But I think they knew he was driving to me, cause we work together.  I found a small little match box flat in Kempton Park.  I convinced the owner to let me move in without having to pay a deposit.  I just didnt have the money for it.  He agreed, only if the rent was R200 more a month and I agreed.  I mean what other choice did I have.  So there I went "sak en pak".

I found a nanny to look after Logan at home.  She decided that I only hired her for one month and never came back after pay day.  When I called her, she said "eish, I didnt know I was suppose to come back" 
I mean really, what the hell?  So I started taking Logan to J's mom to look after seeing that she didnt work.  Which resulted in me sleeping over at his mom's house a lot (he was staying there while renting out his house).  I hardly spent time in my match box and decided to move to his mom's house till we could move in together.  Mean time back at the ranch..... I was pregnant and didnt realize it....
I did a home pregnancy test because my period was late and to no surprize it was negative.  I mean really, cant be possible because I was on the pill.  Happy with the thought that my period was merely late.....I waited another week.  Did another pregnancy test and it was positive....
i was very nervous about telling J because I didnt know how he would react but I got a good response.  He was very excited, until we went for our first scan and turns out I had a blighted ovum or something.  The baby never developed.  We were devistated, and wanted a second opinion so I went to my GP.  He did some bloods and gave it another week and then confirmed what we already knew.  He said that he would do the D & C himself at a day clinic.  The D & C was done a few days later...

In the mean time we found a very nice big house with a pool and bar to rent.  We loved living there! 
I was determined to fall pregnant and tried everything!  I didnt really needed to try very hard because 2 months later I was pregnant again.  When I told J he said to first do a blood test to make sure and we will take it from there.  he didnt really want to get happy just to be let down again.  Bloods confirmed it was positive but again.  But history repeated itself and when it came to the scan I couldnt even watch the screen.
Again it was a blighted ovum.  The baby didnt develop yet again.  The GP took one look at me and then said that he know exactly what the problem is.  He said I had very low progestorone levels and this is what makes the baby develop before the umbilical cord is developed and I didnt have any of it.  I had another D & C and the dr said that the moment I'm pregnant again, I should phone him immediately so he can put me on medication for the progestorone. 

J and I decided to leave the pregnancy thing for now because it was stressing us out and financially it made sence to rather wait.  I was just waiting for my next period so that I could start the pill.  But as nature is, I was pregnant again 2 months later.  I just knew.  I called the dr so that he would write me a script for the medication.  He asked me if I was sure that I was pregnant and I said yes.  He said to do a pee on a stick test and call him back.  I called the pharmacy down the road of my work and asked them to deliver 2 tests for me.  Went to the toilet and did the whole thing then called him to tell him I was right and to write the script.  He also said that when I fetch the script I should stay and draw blood for the progestorone test.
Which I did.  I called J to give him the news for the third time.  This poor man has now finally had enough I think and the reaction becomes somber every time I have to tell him that Im pregnant.  We were just tired of the  dissapointment and we just didnt want to go throught it again.

I went on the medication immediately and funny thing is that I turned into a nightmare.  Damm hormone pills!  I became a little witch and all I needed was a freaking broom!  The moods are horrible!  J almost left me 4 times in 12 weeks.

Dr called with my blood results and said that I should rather come in for a scan immediately because my count is so high, I might be carrying twins or triplets.  I first started swearing at him before saying that Im on my way.  Next in line was J.  I cursed him for giving me twins or even worse triplets.  He just laughed and said that we would handle it!  We decided that his mom would get a baby and his brother the other one and we would keep one.  How in the hell was I suppose to look after 4 kids???  i wanted to die!

On my way there I remember arguing with God... "First you give me a child with special needs, then you take 2 kids from me, then you give me another 3???  what a way to bless me"  But they always say that God wont give you something you cant handle, and so he did...

Get to the dr and the waiting feels like hours!!!  Finally its my turn.  I couldnt even watch the screen.  My eyes scan for 3 little amniotic bags, 3 little heart beats!  But there is only one, one blob, one heart beat.
I was so relieved that I almost cried out of happiness.  Not only because there was only one baby but the fact that I actually saw and heard a heart beat!  This baby is going to make it!

I called J to deliver the good news, but we still had 3 weeks to go on the hooligan pills!  One evening J even packed my bags and I loaded the car!  He has had it with me and I have had it with myself too.  He said that when I stopped with the mad cow pills that I was back to normal and things were better!  I also think so.

Somehow your second pregnancy is alot different than your first.  I couldnt wait for Bismarck to be born.
On new years eve I actually jumped up and down.  It was only a week to go but I couldnt wait!

I went to the hospital the afternoon of 6 January.  J was as pale as a sheet and I was my chirpy self.  I knew what was lying ahead, and I was excited but he was sooooo nervous! 

He went into theatre with me and we were also allowed to record the whole operation with a video camera!  I had a c-section!

**MENTAL NOTE:  I will make my kids watch it when they start with their "where do babies come from" and then also "you are not my mother" talk!  they will watch it over and over!  At least I will be able to say that you came out of my tummy and not be lying instead of having to explain the whole vagina thing lol

Bismarck was born a tiny 2.4kg!  He was perfect!  nothing wrong with him.  His dad video'd his first moments, his first cry his first everything.  He was tiny, really small but beautiful.  Of course he looked nothing like his mommy and everything like his daddy!  Everything about his birth was absolutely normal.
The drs were talking about online poker and gambling while they were sewing me up.  We were wheeled to the recovery room where J went to fetch his parents to come and see.
I was very proud and so happy that everything went fine.

When J left at nights, I looked and touched and stared at him till my eyes went squint.  The miracle of birth never ceases to amaize me.  How a small thingie from your husband's "thingie" becomes this beautiful little person.  I didnt feel like staying in hospital and asked the dr if I could go home after 2 days.  My mom from PE was there and I have already missed 2 days with her.  And I couldnt wait for Logan to meet his new little brother.  They are going to be best friends!

The story continues...

So before i get to the birth of my 2nd son, I have to give you a bit of history on how I came to met my fiance.

Naturally after having Logan and being the only one to be able to feed him, I resigned from my job and stayed home with him for 5 months after which I had to put him in a school, cause I started a new job.!  It absolutely broke my heart to just leave him there, but the people there loved him!  Might I add that 5 schools turned me down due to the Downs Syndrome.  They all said that they cant take children with special needs!  I was so mad cause he was in actual fact 5 months onld but looked like a new born baby!  He eats, sleeps and plays like every other baby!  i found a school for him and he was there while I was at work.

I started a new job in August 2007.  And this is also where I met my future husband.  At the time I was still married but we were not happy and we decided together to rather get a divorce.  He moved out, promising to be a father for Logan and to see him and take care of him...Thus far, I cant really complain but there are a few things bugging!  Later is my blogs you will see what he does.
I met J at work and we were only friends at first but later fell in love.  Soon I had to move out of my house cause I could not afford it alone anymore and moved in with my friend Alice.  She lived next door and I lived in the cottage that was more than a mini house!  Rent was cheap so I didnt complain.  I liked living next door to Alice lol!  She is a hairdresser and always did my hair for free!  Any woman's dream!!! 

It was also Logan's First Birthday in the time that I moved and things were such a mess that I couldnt even afford to buy my son a gift for his birthday!  Alice made a cake though and brought it over.  I promised myself that day that I will have a birthday for my child every year from now on, no matter what the circumstances!!!!  Here I get handed a gift and what am I doing with it?

J came to visit more regularly and things between us started getting serious!  I was happy and doing fine.

Till the night that I put Logan into bed and he woke up 2 hours later!  He was having problems breathing.  So I put him in his chair and rushed him through red robots to the hospital.  I knew that as long as he was crying and I could hear him that he would be fine.  He cried all the way to the hospital.  They admitted him and could not find a vein so put the drip up in his head.  he pulled it out a few minutes later and his hands were restrained.  I have never seen my child so confused and scared.  He looked like a little wild bird.  i tried to stay near him but we all know hospitals... paperwork f-ing paperwork! 
Turned out he had severe pneumonia.  The pneumonia went from bad to worse and within a week he was on a ventilator.  He then had blood infection and everything just got worse.  They tried all the different types of antibiotics and this too a month!  he didnt respond to any of the medication.
One evening while I was standing there with my mother in law, the ventilator broke so naturally Logan went blue in like 5 seconds but I called the nurse and she put the bag on him and ask me to bag him while she changed the ventilator.  So there I'm standing bagging my child that can die.  I have his little life in my hands.  My mother in law freaked out and went outside.  He was fine after that.  The changing of the pipes left his nose and under his eyes blue!
Logan's peadiatrician  told me that they have done everything that they could and there is nothing more they could do for him!  He is not responding to the medication and is condition is just deteriorating.
I sat and cried at his side for the whole night, praying that there was something else, cause how can the Lord give him to me just to take him away again so quickly!  The whole month that he was in the ICU, his hands was restrained and he was sedated.  I couldnt hold him, I couldnt do anything, just talk to him.  He didnt see me, but I think he heard me!
The peadiatrician told me the next day that there is a cardiologist that is coming to see him, cause apparently the hole in his heart is still not closed and this is what is causing the infection.  The cardiologist came and said that this is what the problem is and he needs to be transfered to Sunninghill Hospital immediately for a heart operation.  I immediately agreed, seeing that the other pead gave up. 

Just to mention that through this all i was still going to the hospital every morning, then to WORK then back to the hospital where I stayed till late at night.

I was a freaking work when they were transferring my child to Sunninghill Hospital and my Boss said I could leave at 3pm!  I was so mad!  At 1pm the hospital phoned to ask where the hell I was because I needed to admit him and he needs nappies and ect!  I told my boss that I needed to go and she said it was fine, almost like it was an issue! (you will also realize through my blogs that I am not a huge fan of my boss).
I got to Sunninghill to admit him and then the nurses brought me forms to sign.  Some consent forms for the operation.  The cardiologist came and told me that this hospital was very high risk and he might or might not make it because his lungs are enlarged because of the ventilator and they cant remove it either cause he cant breath!  I signed the dotted line as if I was signing my child's life away!  He went into theatre.
His dad also arrived with his new girlfriend and sat in the coffee shop waiting.  I was pacing up and down like a mad person in front of the theatre's doors.  Finally after 2 hours, the doors opened and the dr said he did fine!  i was so relieved, I cried so much and hugged him.  He came out of the anistetic a while later and he looked a bit lost and disorientated.  I mean he hasnt seen me in a month!  he looked really confused!  But he was fine.  3 days later they took out his pipes and I could pick him up for the first time and hold him!
A week later he was discharged and I had my child back!  he was fine and the dr said he wont have any more problems.

This was by far the worst time of my life!  i almost lost my child but the angels was with him and gave him back to me!

The birth of my first Born son Logan

Logan is now 3 and a half years old and was born with Downs Syndrome

Everything about my pregnancy with Logan was weird.  First of all, the pregnancy in whole was a bit of an accident.   But in the end, I wouldn't change it for the world.  I had a very easy pregnancy.  Al my blood tests were negative for Downs (which is weird), so my gyne never suspected or even looked for it.  Because I was so young, it was highly unlikely!  Even when i went for my 4D scan, I still could not see Logan's face!  It was almost like he was hiding from me the whole time.  Almost like I wasn't suppose to know about the little boy growing inside of me, till the day it would all become a reality.

I started getting contractions the morning after my birthday...  I didnt think anything of it but later they became more intense.  When I arrived at the hospital, labour was in full swing and Logan wanted out!  I was only 3cm dialated but I thought I was dying. This is how I know that I would rather die than push out a baby! Ouch!!!!! Logan was also breeched and wanted to make his exit feet first!
This resulted in me having a c-section.

Everyone in theatre was very optimistic and happy and as Logan was lifted out of my womb everyone went dead quiet!  I didnt realize this at the time, but thinking back, I now know why.  No one expected that my baby would come out with Downs Syndrome.  I didnt know at the time... All I could see was this little human being coming from my body... A little pale but the most beautifullest little alien face I have ever seen.  I can never explain the immediate bond and the love that you feel for this little person that you have just met for the first time! I was allowed to hold him for like a full 5 seconds before they took him from me!

I was stitched up and wheeled back to my room... Logan was put in ICU for respitory problems.  I couldnt wait for the life to come back into my legs so that I can just go and see him!  In all fairness, I only saw him for 5 seconds!  The drs all came into my room at once and they all looked so grim... I lost my appetite...
I asked them what was wrong and if Logan was ok.  They said that he was fine but "unfortunately" he has Downs Syndrome.......  It all went dead around me from there and I didnt hear any of the mumbo jumbo scientific talk about the condition and everything that goes with it.  As I drifted into my own little bubble, where I could only hear my own thoughts, I suddenly felt this feeling of peace, satisfaction and proudness.  As I drifted back into the room where the drs were still blabbering on about Downs this and Downs that, the only thing I could ask was this... "Is he healthy and does he have everything he is suppose to have?"  They answered yes and that was all I needed to know!  He is my child and he is fine.  Downs Syndrome is just another word for saying he will take longer to learn something than a normal child.  There is nothing wrong with him!  The Peadiatrician did say that Logan does have a small hole in his heart but it can be rectefy with medication.  And that was that!  I had to tell the family, who was wonderful with the news as well.  It was like everyone accepted him just the way he is.  He was a gift from above...and I will love him and raise him because he is my son and I am his mother!

When the life came back into my legs, I went to Logan where he was in ICU!  For the first time I saw...  I was so scared!  I thought why, why me?  He was tiny (2.4kg) and he kind of looked like a Chinese baby with his slanted eyes.  Otherwise he looked like a baby! My baby!  When he opened his eyes and he looks at me it felt like he was looking into my soul!  I think this is the thing with Downs Syndrome Children... they are sent to you to make you realize what love is and how you should love!

Logan had another issue.  His sucking reflex did not want to work so well.  One of the nurses said that it was because he was a boy and men are lazy...  Somehow I believed her, it just made sence that they start from birth.  I had to physically teach Logan how to drink from a bottle.  It took forever!  Or it felt like forever.  Just when he seemed to have the 30ml milk required under the chin they will raise the mls and then he doesnt get to come home!  But that was only the start of lots of lessons of patience!  This was how Logan started teaching me how to be patient with him because he is not like everyone else and he wont always get it right the first time or the second or third time, "but eventually mommy I will get the hang of it"

He was in ICU for a whole 3 weeks before they let him come home!  I was so sick and tired of going to the hospital and home every day for 3 weeks!  i just wanted him to come home!

Finally home!!!

Logan did good from there!  He was strong and although he was a baby for much longer than normal babies, he did good!  He was a quiet loving baby and I couldnt have asked for a more special son to come into my life. 

I got divorced not too long after Logan was born.  This was not because of Logan but because there wasnt really a marraige to begin with.  It was just not meant to be!

To be continued...